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How do you handle a spouse jealous of your self employment?

"But you get to stay home ALL DAY"

     
3:45 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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I went full time on my websites a couple months ago and anybody who thinks they’ll have more free time after quitting the 9-5 to work for themselves needs to rethink their plans. Freedom – yes. Free time – no. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job.

However, I now have one EXTREMELY jealous spouse who hates her job and resents me for staying at the house all day. She’s constantly reminding me how lucky I am that I don’t have to go to work (I’ve come to accept that she doesn’t know the difference between luck and hard work) and gets quite upset that I don’t do more cleaning around the house since I’m “always home all day”. Of course she conveniently forgets that I’m working when she leaves for work in the morning and still working two hours after she gets home.

I have no doubt that other home based webmasters have had similar problems. What did you do to fix it?

3:56 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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Good one.

Do what I did. Offer her a job working for you.

3:58 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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rent an office...
4:05 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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Swap spouse for new improved model.
4:14 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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Oh, yeah....

Many, many years ago I started my own business. At that time my wife had a full-time job at another company.

Eventually, I needed someone to handle the paperwork, and she was best for the job (and the least expensive).

Well, that job was really part-time. For five years she only had to show up maybe two or three days a week, all the while I was working 60 to 80 hours during those same weeks.

How about assigning her tasks that involve your business? Or buy an old punch-in machine to record your hours?

In the end, it comes down to money, period. If you're making more than your spouse, the money argument is on your side. If not, God help you.

5:04 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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take a break and do the dishes once in a while, or put some laundry in.

You don't HAVE to be chained to your computer all day.

5:10 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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I think a related info is the "back of the head" syndrome, i.e., "When you get home, all I see is the back of your head 'cause you are on the computer."

These issues take work, and it's essential to make time for spouse/family even when there are important work-related tasks to complete.

6:11 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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Switch jobs with her for the day.

I don't care if she's some fancy lawyer or something, all they do is ask people questions ;)

Talk to her, just tell her that it's making you angry that she doesn't have respect for your job. Tell her you probably do more work, and work that's more important to you, than she does. If I own a website and it fails, I go through a VERY stressful time. I feel myself slipping further and further into a sink-hole.

10:21 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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Secretly hire a maid and take the credit. Actually, no. If she finds out that could be worse. :p

Seriously, though, this is a common problem. Wish I had a good answer. Maybe you could put a chart on the wall of all your current projects. Put the project name, estimated hours and when finished fill in the actual hours. Do one for each day. It's something tangible, and wouldn't be a bad thing for you as well.

10:33 am on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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Maybe she can find a job she likes. I work at home too. My wife loves her job. No bad feelings at all.
11:14 pm on Mar 27, 2004 (gmt 0)

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I second Txbaker and Mikep

this is exactly my environment

I work 7 days a week, but my wife being in a manegerial posotion (many thanks for the income!)she also works a lot
So I do take care of grocery shopping and some house maintenance
we have a great deal and it works well

Henry

12:09 am on Mar 28, 2004 (gmt 0)

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you work more, not for more money per say, but to have a better life.
if you are enjoying life more now that you work from home it's important that your family reap the rewards as well.
take the time to share your rewards with your spouse
if your spouse starts to reap the rewards of your hard work then she/he will encourge you to be more successful, and not just complain about there crappy job
life is short and loved ones are more important than more money
take your spouse out more often now and to different places than before you started working from home. she will have an eaiser time to see the changes

my family and friends do not value my time spent working because i'm doing it in my underware.
i tell them tyra banks does most of her work in her underware and she still works hard and is very successful
let your family enjoy your success and they will work hard to back you up in your endevors.

6:36 am on Mar 28, 2004 (gmt 0)

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"my family and friends do not value my time spent working because i'm doing it in my underware."
I don't know why people make sites for a living in their underwear just because they heard someone say that they do it on TV...

Have you told her to get off your back yet, woop?

6:41 am on Mar 28, 2004 (gmt 0)

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Not a spouse, but I bought her a Tennessee Walker and a 'vette. Seemed to handle that jealousy thing right up until she moved back to Oregon with the 'vette and the horse. :)
10:01 am on Mar 28, 2004 (gmt 0)

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I agree with dickbaker, give her something to do related to your business.

Everytime my husband (or kids for that matter) complain about how much time I devote to my business, I put them to work.

Now unless they're bored they stay clear of me when the computer is on.

2:43 pm on Mar 28, 2004 (gmt 0)

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Make enough money so she can quit her job! worked for me. Oh, and the Tenessee Walker too DG.