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funny search phrases

     
2:52 pm on Jul 6, 2009 (gmt 0)

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At my job doing UI design and JS dev, we send a lot of screen shots to each other. Serious problems are logged in our bug tracking software, but for stupid little layout things we'll just send an email with a screen shot. It's easier and faster just to reproduce the problem in a browser, press Alt-PrtScr, and paste it into an email to someone who can fix it.

Of course when you're sending around screen shots taken from your browser, it'll show everyone which tabs you have open, and often there'll be a recent search phrase sitting in the search box. I don't censor, because I don't have anything to hide... I don't care if people I work with see that I recently searched for "mootools tween".

Today just for my own entertainment I started putting bizarre phrases in there, to see if anyone will notice. So far only one person did.

Here are the first three I've tried:
"how to remove large bloodstains from curtains and walls"
"milk a cat without getting scratched"
"antelope mating videos"

can y'all suggest others?
please, they need to be safe for work. Suggestive is OK, explicit is not.

3:00 pm on July 6, 2009 (gmt 0)

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<snicker> Oh what fun.

body bag substitute
foot fungus
get someone fired
disrupt work environment
stupid boss

There's a starter. :-)

3:15 pm on July 6, 2009 (gmt 0)

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picking your nose without getting caught
how to break wind and blame others
5:00 pm on July 6, 2009 (gmt 0)

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are test results for STD confidential
5:39 pm on July 6, 2009 (gmt 0)

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"I peed in the coffee pot, now what?"
"meningitis symptoms"
5:49 pm on July 6, 2009 (gmt 0)

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8:48 pm on July 6, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Good, but we need to get them talking....

"investing $12 million dollar windfall"
"proper attire for White House gala"
"Netjets"

9:17 pm on July 6, 2009 (gmt 0)

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"hiding embezzlement"
"surviving corporate downsizing"
"NSFW gallery"
12:38 am on July 7, 2009 (gmt 0)

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12:48 am on July 7, 2009 (gmt 0)

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"How to dispose of a dead body"
"Nudism in the work place"
"The downside of cannibalism"
"Poisons that are undetectable in coffee"
"embalming pets for beginners"
"procuring anthrax spores"
"naked on the free-way forums"
"shaving small rodents for fun"
"detecting the difference between nuns"
"hypnotise your female colleagues"
"Exciting road-kill recipes for dinner parties"
1:18 am on July 7, 2009 (gmt 0)

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"Google home page"

...

2:19 am on July 7, 2009 (gmt 0)

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"How to dispose of a dead body"
"Nudism in the work place"
"The downside of cannibalism"
"Poisons that are undetectable in coffee"
"embalming pets for beginners"
"procuring anthrax spores"
"naked on the free-way forums"
"shaving small rodents for fun"
"detecting the difference between nuns"
"hypnotise your female colleagues"
"Exciting road-kill recipes for dinner parties"

Woo! Old Honky shows how it's done! Encore, encore!

7:01 am on July 7, 2009 (gmt 0)

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OMGsh....lmfao!thanks for the good laugh. I needed it.
8:14 am on July 7, 2009 (gmt 0)

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You can "do it yourself"

Google has the gizmo of suggesting a search phrase from the ones that have been submitted to it.

I tried typing "why" and number two was
"why do men have nipples"

With "explosive" interestingly is not the TNT they want to know about but
"explosive diarrhea"

With "kill", a popular one is
"killing kittens"

8:22 am on July 7, 2009 (gmt 0)

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parenting for dummies
how to change a diaper
sexy depends
selling kidneys on the black market
(city) drag clubs
tax evasion
6:15 pm on July 7, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Good, but we need to get them talking....

Excellent point.

invest lottery money
sexual harassment suit
office pranks
extramarital affair
buy AK-47
marijuana card (this one's sure to get you a DT)
LGBT web site (FYI, LGBT = Les., G@y, Bi, Trans....)
Outing horror stories

8:33 pm on July 7, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Leprosy symptoms
1:40 am on July 8, 2009 (gmt 0)

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"naked pictures of midgets"
"things to wear beneath a burka"
"going commando in skimpy shorts"
"faking your own death for insurance purposes"
"Lingerie in men's sizes"
"cooking your dead pets"
"mirrors that clip on to shoes"
"obtaining suitcase nukes"
"beating the airport metal detectors"
"cheapest nipple clamps"
"lunch time dogging"
"best sniper positions in London"
"horses in drag"
"frottage on the central line"
2:14 am on July 8, 2009 (gmt 0)

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LOL Old Honky you're cracking me up

I used a few of these today. Most people don't notice... except one guy who sits near me, and every time I'd send a new screenshot to the group I'd hear him snicker trying not to laugh out loud. I keep thinking some day someone will go through the archive of our correspondence and see all the scary things I've been searching for. Ha!

4:39 pm on July 8, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Interesting reading if the cops ever need to confiscate your computer.
9:07 pm on July 8, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Interesting reading if the cops ever need to confiscate your computer.

Welllll, <cough>, yeah. But if you're going to be weird, be really weird. Using the very fine work here, mix it up. Our staffer has an interesting life stringing Old Honky's stuff together.

Each one is funny, but coming in a stream, together, from one person...

Finding that the guy down the hall is searching for "Cooking your dead pets" gives pause, but the search here that really haunts me is Samizdata's "Google home page."

Of course, having worked as a supervisor over a bunch of wise-guys and gals like here, I can see this taken to the next step...Let's get the boss.

Staffer 1: Weeks, you got a second?
Weeks: Hmmm?
Staffer 1: I think you need to talk to Paul. See this screenshot? He searching for "google home page."
Weeks (falling for it completely): Why would someone do that?
Staffer 1: Good question.
Weeks: I guess there could be a reason.
Staffer 1: You think?
Weeks: Uh, well.
Staffer 1 is joined by staffer 2, who is coming to rescue staffer 1, who is having trouble not laughing.
2 to 1: You tell him about Paul?
Staffer 1: Yeah.
Staffer 2: Searching for google's home page...?
Weeks: What's the problem?
Staffer 2: Do you do that?
Staffer 3 comes in the office.
2 to 3: You ever do a search for Google's home page?
Staffer 3: All of the time.
Weeks: Yeah, well, hmmmm....

And so it goes....

5:35 am on July 10, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Old Honky did you hack my machine?
2:18 pm on July 10, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Yes, I noticed that you are a fellow subscriber to the naked midget pictures forum, their security isn't up to much...
2:28 pm on July 10, 2009 (gmt 0)

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And "cheapest nipple clamps." LOL...
3:30 pm on July 10, 2009 (gmt 0)

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The bad thing is, I actually HAD to Google "frottage".
1:42 pm on July 11, 2009 (gmt 0)

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I only new what "frottage" was because a colleague was once accused of it in a crowded tube train. He had to explain to the lady that a)he wasn't interested in her because he was gay (not sure if that was true) and b)the hard thing pressing into her back was the handle of his umbrella.

It's not all bad, people who do brass rubbing in churches are also indulging in "frottage".

2:13 pm on July 11, 2009 (gmt 0)

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"antelope mating videos"- Ive heard it all now
10:14 pm on July 11, 2009 (gmt 0)

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If you do these in string, you'll freak someone out:

String 1
do plants have sex
sexual attraction to plants
hot plants
pictures of plant pollen
bees pollinating plants
videos of bees pollinating plants

String 2
tracing aids transmition
how to transmit aids to co-workers
releasing moskitos with aids blood transmition
moskito aids blood tranmition
putting blood in the coffee machine
coffee machine blood trace

string 3:
taking down a company from the inside
corporate spies
hating the company you work for
destroying the company you work for
columbine
killing co-workers

10:38 pm on July 11, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Greenleaves, this reminds me of the ol' AOL Stalker, which is still up and running, but not as much fun as it once was:
[aolstalker.com...]

Here's one query string I found:
addicted to love
credit score
free credit report
learning to be single
happy and single

If you don't know about it...
[en.wikipedia.org...]

3:27 am on July 12, 2009 (gmt 0)

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videos of bees pollenating Robert Plant
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