incrediBILL - 6:55 pm on Apr 1, 2013 (gmt 0)
Here's the rest of the Applefornia details from today's press conference:
To help boost the Applefornia economy all Apple manufacturing worldwide will be relocated back to Applefornia and a special immigration exemption has been granted to all Apple employees that employment is citizenship and they will be able to relocate to Applefornia en masse and will be initially required to reside in the new live/work barracks at the manufacturing sites being built around the state until they have worked off their 'relocation debt'. Rumors have it that all residents in the state may be 'drafted' to service for an unspecified length of time in Apple's manufacturing plants as part of residential requirements to be a citizen of the state but that rumor has not been substantiated at the time of this writing.
Additionally, Apple has already made huge strides to step up the California time table to be a completely self-sufficient renewable energy emission free and nuclear free zone by the year 2018. Preparing for this eventuality Apple lawyers have already covertly overturned the "California Desert Protection Act" in court recently and managed to keep it out of the news. Apple, as part of the Applefornia deal, made the single largest land purchase in the 21st centuy with the acquisition of the Mojave desert and have already broken ground on the world's largest solar energy plant code named iWatts. This iWatts power plant will be using ground breaking iCharge battery technology developed for their Apple products that can maintain power for the iWatts iGrid up to 5 days without sunlight during overcast and rainy seasons. When iWatts is fully operational in 2016 they plan to phase out all off shore drilling, refinery plants, gasoline stations, gas powered automobiles and nuclear generators. Berkeley residents were so overwhelmed with joy that many fainted upon hearing the news. massive amounts of injuries, and the local emergency services were slammed and unable to assist the vast numbers affected.
The sheer output capacity of iWatts 1.0 is estimated to be capable pf satisfying the energy needs of neighbor states Oregon, Nevada and Arizona, possibly more, so that we don't have to suffer with their "second hand smoke" created by traditional power generation plants. Some plans were even discussed where the current wind generators would possibly by turned into massive fans powered by iWatts to blow the filthy pollution drifting from Asia over Applefornia right back where it came from. Speaking on condition of anonymity, one Apple insider said "We have a vision of the future, a clean organic state of Utopia and while we unfortunately had to step on the environmentalist toes to make this vision a reality, the fossil fuel industry can kiss our Applefornia butts". It's rumored that all electric iCars will be available by 2018 and Apple will directly offer unconditional financing so that all cars in the state can be replaced with emission free alternatives.
Just like when a new Apple product is released, upon hearing all this news hordes of Apple fans from around the globe are now lined up in what looks like refugee camps at the borders of Applefornia waiting in line to be processed and become an Applezen and if possible fulfill their lifelong dream to work in an Apple manufacturing plant so they can be part of servicing humanity. Sadly this process is going very slowly as the demands for RFID tracking chips has overloaded local vendors unexpectedly and Apple is unable to properly tag and identify their new citizen inventory.