buckworks - 3:57 pm on Jul 5, 2010 (gmt 0)
give away all my savings to charity and shut down all my websites and start fresh... but that seems a bit radical... or downright crazy!
Crazy on some levels, maybe not on others. The spiritual concerns you're expressing are very real and need to be taken seriously.
However, if having money in the bank kills your sense of purpose, it's not the money that's the problem, there's something internal that needs work. You could certainly put yourself in a situation that brings back the purpose of merely working for survival, but surely you can aim for something higher?
Don't be too quick to decide that "chucking it all" is the best way forward. It is certainly one path to consider, but think long and hard ... including serious prayer ... before disposing of assets that might enable you to make a real difference in the world.
Ponder this: the job of managing your websites might be short on inspiration these days but on the other hand it gives you a rare opportunity to do meaningful, valuable things with your earnings and with the free time you have.
Suggestion: For the next year, keep the websites going and keep the income going but pick one or two charities who are doing work that you believe in, and give enough to make a real difference to some aspect of their work. Don't just write checks and stay otherwise uninvolved, look for ways that you could give time, too.
I feel that I don't deserve all the things I could do/buy
If you've earned your money honestly, you have the right to enjoy it without guilt!
That said, you've clearly reached the point where it becomes unsatisfying to spend only in self-centered ways. Also, as a purely practical matter there's only so much stuff we need ... or can find storage for!
So look outward.
Treat yourself to an occasional luxury if something truly appeals to you, but also make a new rule for yourself that when you buy something above your basic needs, you will match the price dollar for dollar with a donation to help others less fortunate.
Think of it as a variation on the ancient principle of the tithe.
Along the way, have some in-depth discussions with a trusted spiritual advisor. Then re-assess your sense of direction a few months from now. Life might have some surprises in store!