I was helping a friend install some freeware anti-virus once and the connection was pitifully slow. The download took forever and the installation was going at a snails pace and she asked me in all seriousness, "What do you do when this happens?"
I said, "We'll sometimes I just smack the **** out of it, give it a little adjustment."
She says, in equal seriousness, "Where? Where do you hit it at?" thinking maybe this was some sort of vacuum cleaner with too much cat hair wrapped around the beater bar.