rocknbil - 5:08 pm on Jun 7, 2006 (gmt 0)

I am living in a nightmare world where my body is healthier and fitter than it has been at any point since I was a teenager and I find almost nothing in life to be happy or enthusiastic about any more.

There used to be an old poster/bumpersticker anecdote: "I quit smoking, drinking, drugs, and sex. The funeral is tomorrow."

Like a bad relationship, you are still on the rebound and subconsciously pining for your addictions. Tough it out man, you'll beat it! :-D Take up something new. Like RC flying. Or skydiving. Surfing, rafting, anything, fill up those unenthusiastic hours with something new.

I am happy to say I made it through day one without falling down. It wasn't easy, nerves are singing an aria, had I gotten into the truck and gone anywhere I would have fallen, but I live 3 miles from the nearest convenience store with it's evil supplies just waiting for me and refuse to leave until I can venture out safely without caving in. So begins day two, if I made it through one, I can do two, two I can do three, three, a week, a week, a month . . .

I found out about Zyban/Welbutrin and gave the doc a call, he phoned in a subscription. Not only does a 90-day supply cost $104 - HOLY CRAP - I also found out it's an anti-depressant. I was prescribed A.D.'s once as a misdiagnosed "sleep aid" - I had trouble sleeping, the doc assumed it was depression (well it must be, I'm over 40, American male, right?) these things majorly mess with your head and I will **NEVER** take any sort of anti-deressants for any reason.

Anyway the combination of the fact that Zyban is an antidepressant and the cost made me angry. Yes angry, and I don't know or care why, but it worked as a motivator, I will beat this without that crap. :-)

THX again to Syzygy, right place, right time. :-D