enigma1 - 9:44 am on Apr 1, 2012 (gmt 0)

almost $20k in coder/designer fees

Given the type of site, you must asked for quite a lot of features or some stunning dynamic design or both to get to that cost level. You didn't spend that purchasing some complicated/bloated stock cart did you?

My competitor's websites look like trash

Many small-size business prefer a basic site layout because of the costs involved and gradually invest into more exotic stuff depending how their business goes. Prices and Products should be your primary focus along with marketing those. Make sure if you search for your product titles your site comes up in SERPs, otherwise figure out what's wrong with that.

I don't know whether this post is a rant/bitch/plea for help?

Not sure either, someone who's uncertain of his site performance usually puts his site on his profile.