@wheel: I agree with you, personally there's no way I would get angry about that. However I have had it happen to me - human behaviour is rather irrational at times, I guess :-). "NO. I will NOT add a link, because you're in (other state than her), and I saw on your webpage that you quit doing xyz (both those things she complained about I mentioned in the link request e-mail).
I replied to her saying I feel sorry if she misunderstood that or feels tricked or whatever (because I quit doing xyz - cant go into detail sorry), but that I actually mentioned that in the e-mail I had sent to her (which I did..).
she was just pissed to the sake of being pissed, I guess :-).
I see absolutely nothing wrong or "unethical" or whatever with the approach youre taking..Im just wondering if there's a certain risk associated with that because i have come at least one such pissed person already...and because some other webmasters going by the (imho, very extreme) definition of any e-mail they didn't ask for being "spam"...