Hullo Butch, Hi Butch, Howdy thar Burtch

Thanks. <sniff> I used to be a real man once. You know the type, punch you in the face as soon as look at ya, drink a slab without taking a breath, hamburgers for breakfast, lunch and tea, oh, and some chips for tea, gotta eat me veggies ya know. Ahhhh, tattoos all over ... yep, all over. And I used to love annoyin' the hell out of old Miss Biddy next door with me Harley late at night.

Jeeze I was mean. Ya know, I was so tough and gnarly you would always know where I was by the sound of cops sirens. Nah, not coming for me, gettin' outta me way.

And the plants along the path never grew very well 'cos I used to spit on them every morning clearing the dog hairs from my throat. Nah no, not 'hair of the dog', real dog hairs. I mean, there's no use eating Hot Dogs without the hair, 'cos they get cold. So ya just throw 'em on the barbie until they stop wriggling and yelping then chomp into 'em. Ya spit the bones out of course.

Gosh, I remember those days ...

<sniff>

And then, someone introduced me to, <sigh> I can hardly say it without breaking down, <wipes tear from eye> Link Exchanges, Booo, Hisss, and my life has never been the same since.

It started out innocent enough, an email here, an email there, it was fun at first, watching my traffic grow and rankings get higher. But then, it became an obsession. I just couldn't stop, I had to get more and more links, I never had enough.

One day, someone (and you know who you are ... ) suggested that I might get more links if the other person thought I was - a girl. So, I started calling myself Jenny. It seemed to work at first, but then people got to know "Jenny" so I started using Sally as well. And then Moira, Shelley, Natali, Natarsha, and the list goes on. Some days it was really hard to remember who I was supposed to be.

But, when I started using girl's names all the time, that's when things really started to change. I realised I was talking with other Link Flooseys all the time and it started to rub off on me. Suddenly I was sending {{{{hugs}}}}, and <<<<kisses>>>>, and starting to talk all cutesy.

"Hi there Sherry, Oh what a lovely site you have, I love the Autumnal undertones. So, do you think we could exchange links, it would be so beneficial to both of us. Oh and hey, I see you have that green bar #4 thingy as well. You know, our sites look so well together don't you think?""

And it was just so much fun. Ohhhh ... <giggle> I sprayed my monitor a lovely shade of Pink, not the tacky shade you know, no no no, can't be tacky. You've got to have class. So I used a lovely pastel slightly apricot pink. It went really well with the Velvetine curtains had made. Oh I love the Rose pattern on those, it matches my top so beautifully.

Soon I changed to drinking wine, and then <shudder> Wine Coolers. Suddenly I wasn't afraid to eat Quiche. I even ate all my veggies. One day I was shocked to hear myself actually asked for a second helping of "Assorted Lettuce Leaves in a mild Lime and Blue Cheese Dressing."

And I started shaving again, face, arms, legs. Oooohhh but that stings. That's when my girlfriend left me, said she couldn't stand the competition for the bathroom.

And then ... well, you get the picture.

But I'm on the road to recovery now, I removed all my link pages, purged all my emails, tore the curtains down, and sat there in a bare undecorated room watching my rankings go down the toilet.

The bank manager said that he understands, but he still has to take the house, so I'm back on the streets now, sleeping in the back of the Chevy, just wondering what's next. Maybe my girlfriend will come back ...

Anyway, that's my story, my name is Butch, again.

Onya
Woz