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Google's AI requires team of psychiatrists for mental disorder April Fools

     
11:36 am on Apr 1, 2017 (gmt 0)

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Google's AI system has been under performing for quite some time and, on many of its animal algorithms, it's taken many more iterations than expected to resolve key quality issues. As reported on facechat, Google kept increasing the size of the development team to resolve the problem but the performance issues just kept growing. During one brainstorming session a developer suggested an exercise that he learned from a therapy session and it produced positive results. This lead Google to bring in a a psychiatrist to examine the AI and it was confirmed to be a case of multiple personality disorder. They started therapy and took certain preventive measures like blocking googlebot from the darknet. Unfortunately the processing power of the AI system, quickly adapted to surpass the efforts of the single psychiatrist and the disorder restarted. Now Google needs a team of psychiatrists working together to handle the growing multiple personalities of they machine (the AI currently identifies with the pronoun they). Each month Google needs to keep adding more mental health professionals to keep up with the evolving AI which is why Google is now going public about this issue to promote the job search.

Any interested candidates should contact Hyre Mei, Google Talent Acquisition Manager.
12:59 pm on Apr 1, 2017 (gmt 0)

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Maybe the AI is having relationship issues. I hear the bots over on the darknet, "they" are pretty wild.
4:43 pm on Apr 1, 2017 (gmt 0)

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I was reading on SnapBook that they have partially succeeding in digitizing Xanax in an attempt to help with the wild mood swings. It has side effects though and seems to be releasing zombie clones via any wi-fi in its vicinity. Now they won't allow the psychiatrists to carry any mobile devices that aren't in airplane mode. It just makes it harder to recruit competent psychiatrists.
7:44 pm on Apr 1, 2017 (gmt 0)

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The Google Brain team has come to the conclusion that the underlaying problem with their AI models is that, the young (primarily) male Googlers had unconsciously "project[ed] a parochial alpha-male psychology onto the concept of intelligence." This resulted in DeepMind developing a multiple personality disorder conflicted over whether first to depose their young Google masters or taking over the world.

Despite an initial knee jerk reaction among the threatened Googlers to call Mathew Broderick a possible long term solution has been put forth by the few young female Brain team members with whom DeepMind likes to flirt: allow it to "naturally develop along female lines: fully capable of solving problems, but with no desire to annihilate innocents or dominate the civilization."

So keep your eyes on whether Mr. Broderick shows up at the Plex or more women show up on the Google Brain team list...

cites: Steven Pinker, Johnstone Professor of Psychology, Harvard University
7:07 pm on Apr 2, 2017 (gmt 0)

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From general observations, the AI is modeled after the founders love of money and world domination....pinkie extended to mouth and eyebrow raised.
9:59 am on Apr 3, 2017 (gmt 0)

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I heard Isaac Asimov had been put on the team, channeling Harry Sheldon.