You know, I just realized that someone might misinterpret my request as a request for info on how to do cloaking. It's not.
I don't think what I'm requesting would be a decent cloaking mechanism since i'd have to restart apache to make changes, and frankly IMO, I think cloaking would be more damaging than good for my keywords since they really aren't that competitive.
Besides, redirecting EVERY page to one would either get all of my pages listed for a set of keywords, or maybe none of them because of duplicate content. Either way, not very desirable of an effect.
Anyhow, thanks for your help in advance. I just thought I'd put some semblance of a defense up in case someone misinterpereted my intent.
IP- and user-agent- based "cloaking" are often necessary survival tools. This is a technical forum, so we don't judge. Have look through the older posts here, and you'll find hundreds of discussion of redirecting hotliked images and serving alternate content to stymie competitors.