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Top Excuses
for not going to work

 10:06 pm on Nov 14, 2005 (gmt 0)

We've either used them or heard them. I guess now I get to hear a few... what should I listen for?

1) My friend had a heart attack. I was at the hospital all night and just got home (Called at noon)



 11:47 pm on Nov 14, 2005 (gmt 0)

"I had a heart attack .."..
otherwise same scenario ..works better ..needs less corroberation ..;)


 12:22 am on Nov 15, 2005 (gmt 0)

It may be that the risk of upsetting someone with genuine cause for absence frequently outweighs the risk of letting someone lazy have a day off. Unless it's the word cup final, in which nobody deserves the benefit of the doubt.


 12:53 am on Nov 15, 2005 (gmt 0)

There once was a tube strike the day before I was due to go on holiday for seventeen days.

(Honestly, what would you do?)

I was optimistic that the office would have forgotten by the time I came back from Greece two and a half weeks later but not a chance.

I was hauled into the office and had a very explicit lecture on the differences between a Transport Workers strike and a General Strike.


 6:20 pm on Nov 15, 2005 (gmt 0)

Employee called in about 11am and said that he had just had hemorrhoid surgery and wouldn't be able to make it in. I questioned him with "isn't that something that is normally scheduled ahead of time", and he claimed it was "emergency surgery".

The next day he came to work and brought one of those donuts to sit on. I didn't ask any more questions or ask for a doctor's note.

I figured, its either a real excuse (in which case I would feel really sorry for him), or a great fake excuse (in which case I would be telling the story for years).


 6:45 pm on Nov 15, 2005 (gmt 0)

I love these. Truncated list, # 3 is my favorite.

- woke up feeling so good today I decided to call in well and do something else.

- If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

- When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

- I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

- Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

-The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

- My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

- I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

- I prefer to remain an enigma.


 7:00 pm on Nov 15, 2005 (gmt 0)

I just didn't feel like it. Given to me by a waiter in my resetauraunt management days.

Take care,



 8:14 pm on Nov 15, 2005 (gmt 0)

One that I used myself, and still can't believe that I didn't get fired for...

Sorry, I can't work today. I woke up and started drinking, and now I'm drunk. You don't want me driving your truck, do you?

(and it was true)

Following msg #1
the employee came in today, and not a peep about the friend with a heart attack. hmmmmm.


 6:50 am on Nov 16, 2005 (gmt 0)

Got food poisioning from a dodgy kebab - works great as they know it may well be true.


 7:37 am on Nov 16, 2005 (gmt 0)

I'm having problems with my eyes - I can't see coming in.


 6:28 pm on Nov 16, 2005 (gmt 0)

- I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

I like that one : )


 7:19 pm on Nov 16, 2005 (gmt 0)

Who can forget:

. . . "So you're going to quit?"
"Nah. Not Really. Uh, I'm just gonna stop going."


 11:03 pm on Nov 16, 2005 (gmt 0)

Anal Glaucoma


 11:24 pm on Nov 16, 2005 (gmt 0)

Anal Glaucoma

I think I once had a co-worker with this name...


 12:29 am on Nov 17, 2005 (gmt 0)

I did have friend once who used to use "intermittent claudication" as she was the personal secretary to a very high powered multi national CEO ..I thought she was pushing it somewhat ..like 5 or 6 times a month ..
then one day I went to their London offices to take her out for lunch ..was introduced to the "great man" and when he said try and be back for around 3.00pm was amazed ( even though I knew how she was out of work hours ) to hear her tell him to **** *ff and that as he got back pissed from most meetings ..if she wanted to it take the afternoon off it was upto her and he could just get a "temp" ..

He apologised to her! ( apparently the day before he had had a very heavy lunch meeting and had fallen asleep in mid dictation during the afternoon ) ..hence her umbrage ..

lady had nerve ..and was worth her weight in gold to the company as "the fixer" ..

She was also usually very sweet natured ..

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