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Great Truths
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limbo




msg:303534
 10:08 am on May 19, 2005 (gmt 0)

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is...........not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is...........having friends.
At age 18 success is...........having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is...........going all the way.
At age 35 success is...........having money.
At age 50 success is...........having money.
At age 60 success is...........going all the way.
At age 70 success is...........having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is...........having friends.
At age 80 success is...........not peeing in your pants

He he :)

 

kodaks




msg:303535
 7:02 pm on May 19, 2005 (gmt 0)

ROFMAO! I just spilled my coffee...... Good stuff!

troels nybo nielsen




msg:303536
 10:14 pm on May 19, 2005 (gmt 0)

Let that be a lesson to you: Put your coffee cup in a safe place before opening a Foo thread started by limbo.

Macguru




msg:303537
 10:18 pm on May 19, 2005 (gmt 0)

limbo did hit me hard again.

In the future, I will wear my polka dots underwear over my white shorts.

kodaks




msg:303538
 11:08 pm on May 19, 2005 (gmt 0)

Let that be a lesson to you: Put your coffee cup in a safe place before opening a Foo thread started by limbo.
Oh now you warn me! lol

kodaks wipes the coffee of his keyboard

limbo




msg:303539
 8:29 am on May 20, 2005 (gmt 0)

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

Was it that one? :)

kodaks




msg:303540
 9:03 pm on May 20, 2005 (gmt 0)

LOL...yep and:
Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

Woz




msg:303541
 1:21 am on May 21, 2005 (gmt 0)

The one great truth about Parenting:-

When they are babies they look so cute, cuddly and scrumptious that kissing them just doesn't seem enough. Sometimes you almost wish you could eat them.

When they are teenagers, sometimes you wish you had.

Onya
Woz

olwen




msg:303542
 7:57 pm on May 21, 2005 (gmt 0)

My mother's comment on parenting.

"When I was newly married I had no children and 4 theories about raising kids. Now I have 4 kids, and no theories"

troels nybo nielsen




msg:303543
 8:29 pm on May 21, 2005 (gmt 0)

> "When I was newly married I had no children and 4 theories about raising kids. Now I have 4 kids, and no theories"

Sounds like something from which to deduce a law of some kind. Where are the mathematicians and the science theorists?

lawman




msg:303544
 11:08 pm on May 21, 2005 (gmt 0)

When I was about ten, I heard my grandfather say:

"Hire one boy, you have a whole boy. Hire two boys, you have half a boy. Hire three boys, you got no boy at all."

That still seems to be true. I call it the reverse multiplier.

I've also noticed that the the amount of trouble a boy can get into increases exponentially (I call it the accelerated multiplier) with the number of boys involved.

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