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Limericks
Got a favourite?
limbo




msg:299197
 3:06 pm on Feb 7, 2005 (gmt 0)

Something to lighten the dark mood sweeping forums at the moment

The boy stood on the burning deck,
His legs were all a' quiver,
He gave a cough,
His leg fell off,
And floated down the river.

:)

Got one?

 

limbo




msg:299198
 3:09 pm on Feb 7, 2005 (gmt 0)

... and another ... something I heard here a year or so ago that makes me smile when I tell it

Inky pinky ponky,
Father had a donkey,
Donkey died,
Father Cried,
Inky pinky ponky.

My little cousin loves that one.

MatthewHSE




msg:299199
 1:40 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

There once was a man from Wheeling
Who had an expectorant feeling.
But a sign on the door
Said "Don't spit on the floor"
So he looked up and spat on the ceiling.

Can't believe I'm posting this publicly! ;)

vkaryl




msg:299200
 2:19 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

There once was a lady from Niger
Who smiled as she sat on a tiger
They returned from their ride
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.

Um. Needless to say, that's the "clean" version....

vkaryl




msg:299201
 2:24 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

And I REALLY like this one.... I laugh every time I think of it!

God's plan made a hopeful beginning,
But Man spoilt his chances by sinning;
We trust that the story
Will end in great glory,
But at present the other side's winning.

olwen




msg:299202
 3:22 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

There were two young ladies from Birmingham
And this is the tale concerning them
**** ****** ** *** *****
*** ******* *** ****
Of the bishop when he was confirming them

Now the bishop was nobody's fool
He'd been to a large public school
...maybe that's not so good

There was a young lady named Bright
Whose speed was far faster than light
She went out one day
In a relative way
And returned home the previous night.

olwen




msg:299203
 3:26 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

There was once a man who said, “God
Must think it exceedingly odd
If he finds that this tree
Continues to be
When there’s no one about in the Quad.”

answered by

Dear Sir, Your astonishment’s odd:
I am always about in the Quad.
And that’s why the tree
Will continue to be,
Since observed by Yours faithfully, God.

Automan Empire




msg:299204
 3:46 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

Oooh! Can we do this like the word game? Here's one of my all-time favorite limerick starters:

There once was a man named Sig Meanous

<rimshot>

Seriously, here's one I penned in sixth grade:

There once was a big trout named Don
Who went way, way upstream to spawn
He built a big house
But still lacked a spouse
Because all the females were gone.

olwen




msg:299205
 3:49 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

and...

Evangelical vicar in want, of a portable secondhand font, will exchange for the same, a picture in frame, of the bishop-elect of Vermont.

vkaryl




msg:299206
 4:08 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

Olwen, I love the "secondhand font" one - but how many "online specific" folks are likely to get it?

olwen




msg:299207
 4:14 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

Olwen, I love the "secondhand font" one - but how many "online specific" folks are likely to get it?

That's true :( Even if I do explain that was published quite seriously by a respectable newspaper in their classified advertisments.

vkaryl




msg:299208
 4:23 am on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

Only the Episcopalians....

Syzygy




msg:299209
 1:04 pm on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

One I remember from a joke book I received on my 9th birthday (I still have it)!

A flea and a fly in a flue
were stuck so what could they do?
"Let us fly," said the flea!
"Let us flee," said the fly!
So they flew through a flaw in the flue!

Syzygy

limbo




msg:299210
 1:38 pm on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

Niceone folks - some goodies in there.

Um. Needless to say, that's the "clean" version....

care to share the 'other' ;)

here's one from waaaaay back:

Mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon,
a hundred volts went up it's bum,
and turned its wool to nylon.

sorry.

olwen




msg:299211
 6:56 pm on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

Only the Episcopalians....

Interestingly that limerick (as with the tree in the quad) is attributed to Monsigneur Ronald Knox who was a Roman Catholic.

pmkpmk




msg:299212
 9:36 pm on Feb 8, 2005 (gmt 0)

Limbo, I'm not an English native speaker, but still I couldn't help to notice that that was not exactly a limerick.

vkaryl




msg:299213
 12:23 am on Feb 9, 2005 (gmt 0)

olwen: yes, I think because the Episcopalians (and maybe one of the English versions thereof) are basically "new world" RC. [Um. No, I don't want to start a debate about religious diversions please and thanks, everyone!]

limbo: sorry, not even going to attempt to post it here. Suffice it to say that since my mind is normally in the gutter, it's while quite funny, not at all repeatable in polite company.

Teknorat




msg:299214
 3:43 am on Feb 9, 2005 (gmt 0)

I have a collection of literally 200+ NONE of which I can post here. ;)

vkaryl




msg:299215
 3:57 am on Feb 9, 2005 (gmt 0)

*laughing* Oh wow.... teknorat, I thought I was alone!

deejay




msg:299216
 7:50 pm on Feb 9, 2005 (gmt 0)

eeheeeheeee... confirmed limerick fan here. But face it - the best ones are unprintable.

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean -
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

...and in finding the correct wording for that old favorite, I came across these two:

The limerick's callous and crude,
Its morals distressingly lewd;
It's not worth the reading
By persons of breeding -
It's designed for us vulgar and rude.

The limerick is furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums
And promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

Milamber




msg:299217
 6:01 pm on Feb 11, 2005 (gmt 0)

I have a collection of literally 200+ NONE of which I can post here. ;)

My friend had a book with about 600 pages of dirty limericks... very fun reading.

TheDoctor




msg:299218
 6:37 pm on Feb 12, 2005 (gmt 0)

I do wish my room had a floor.
I don't care so much for a door.
But this walking around
Without touchng the ground
Is getting to be quite a bore.

Debbie_King




msg:299219
 1:06 pm on Mar 15, 2005 (gmt 0)

Here's one of the less *naughty* ones (which always makes me laugh)

There was an old man from Montmartre
Who was famed far and wide for his f**t
When they cried "What a noise!"
He replied, with great poise
"When I f**t sir, I f**t from the heart!"

olwen




msg:299220
 7:27 pm on Mar 19, 2005 (gmt 0)

Since I posted here before I've taking to writing limericks.

When I wrote on this subject before,
I Googled to find out much more.
I found a brave site
Where they're trying to write
A limerick dictionary store.

Old_Honky




msg:299221
 5:57 pm on Mar 21, 2005 (gmt 0)

An Aboriginal Doctor profound
Always sat with one foot on the ground
Through a hole in his boot
His toenails took root
And now he can only walk round

Sanenet




msg:299222
 11:06 pm on Mar 22, 2005 (gmt 0)

Next time you're in Ireland, visiting the fair city of Limerick, check out the (i think its called the) Roundwood Inn in a small village just outside Limerick, where legend says the first ever Limericks were told.

The story goes that a poet ran up such a bar tab that the landlord, desperate to get his attention, sent him the tab in a funny poem - the first limerick. The poet was so impressed he told all his friends about this new form of poetry he'd discovered, and named it after the town.

I may have been taken in by a tale for tourists however, these Irish are clever little fellows!

And as a tip, don't stay for lunch there, it's a complete tourist trap. Go for the inn at the top of the road, much nicer!

Skylo




msg:299223
 9:52 am on Mar 24, 2005 (gmt 0)

There once was a woman from Yale
Who offered her body for sale,
In aid of the blind,
She tatooed her behind
With simple instructions in brail

Hehe

createErrorMsg




msg:299224
 10:13 pm on Mar 24, 2005 (gmt 0)

This once was a forum, I'm sure
With advice and keen insights galore.
But they started a thread
About limericks, instead
And now nobody posts anymore.

Cheers, limbo. ;)

olwen




msg:299225
 9:39 am on Mar 25, 2005 (gmt 0)

This site still has insight galore,
But Foo has a store of much more.
Let's pause for a while,
Take time for a smile,
'Cause webs should not just be a chore.

createErrorMsg




msg:299226
 1:02 pm on Mar 25, 2005 (gmt 0)

What you say about smiling is true.
It is something we all need to do.
And if there's a place
To put one on your face,
That place is most certainly Foo.

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