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This 49 message thread spans 2 pages: 49 ( [1] 2 > >     
Afraid of success?
ramblings of a lost AM'er...

 6:03 pm on Nov 26, 2005 (gmt 0)

For those who may still remember me, I was on my way to $300/day, but took a bit of a nosedive about 7 months ago. I've been since then travelling around Europe, and currently in Berlin, about 2 weeks away from returning back to the US. In the meantime, I've done a bit of work here and there, doing maintenance, putting up a couple sites, but nothing major in terms of dedication. The end of this stage of my journey got me thinking, about life, goals, and of course, the means to still continue to do that.

Basically I have plan right in front of me that could potentially boost me up to $500/day very easily. It's RIGHT THERE. My list of great ideas is huge. I can succeed beyond the income of the average worker, fully realize the "American Dream" in a couple years of high profit, reinvest everything in real estate and other less risky ventures, live off the rent/interest/etc and enjoy life for the rest of it.

But, I'm not motivated. Right now I'm living an easy life, spoiled by my 'early success' and I know I should be doing more. Yes, I should work my ass off right now while the good is still good. Yes later it will be harder. Yes things could tank over just as it did 7 months ago. Yes, yes, yes. I know.

I know I won't get too much sympathy fom my plight, but if you (think you) have the key to your financial independence, and you're not doing what you should to get there, what's the freaking deal with that!?!?...



 6:40 pm on Nov 26, 2005 (gmt 0)

let me guess - you are between 29-33 years old, right?


 6:59 pm on Nov 26, 2005 (gmt 0)

Yeap :) Am I supposed to be experiencing something around this age period?


 9:07 pm on Nov 26, 2005 (gmt 0)

Hi rfung

We have talked before.

"reinvest everything in real estate and other less risky ventures, live off the rent/interest/etc and enjoy life for the rest of it."

Well I am back in Spain for the winter. It takes a few years to do as you want, but stick at it and it is realisable ;)


 9:32 pm on Nov 26, 2005 (gmt 0)

Get a dreary 9 to 5 cubicle job. It'll cure you of your lack of motivation real quick, I promise. ;)


 9:46 pm on Nov 26, 2005 (gmt 0)

This [iht.com] might motivate you.

I have been working 80-100 hour weeks for 10 years, but am keeping myself going because I know that continuing to work will allow me to enjoy a life of leisure very soon. I surround myself with posters of my heros, motivational quotations etc. etc. Find out what motivates you and keep reminding yourself that winners sacrifice short term pleasures for long term success, whereas the average Joe (do you want to be an 'average Joe'?) do not have the tenacity or willpower to sacrifice short-term pleasures for long term happiness. From what you've written, you've done well before, so I'm sure you can motivate yourself to get your new venture going.


 7:00 am on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

Get a permanent office where you can nest. I find it very difficult to work on the road.

Turn up the tedium level a little. Having an interesting life is nice -- for a while -- but in order to accomplish anything worthwhile you need solitude and the willingness to work long and hard. At least for periods.

Get excited about your project. Research it to death and use some motivational tools to get yourself pumped up - Anthony Robbins, Guy Kawasaki, Napoleon Hill, "Challenge" posters... Whatever works for you.

Keep in mind that the whole free traffic/affiliate marketing business model could be dead in five years, and you could be left with negligible revenues and no marketable job skills. This is what really keeps me going. I figure I have to earn enough to retire on before everything evaporates. I'm not going back to Cobol programming, LOL.

P.S. Here's one more great tip to keep you working hard: Get some dependants. I'm earning for four, and failure is not an option.


 7:11 am on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

It is just simple middleage crysis.

You should get over it or you'll be lost.
The biggest danger is you already earning quite a lot of money - you think there is no motive to make more.

At this period we all think - "What am I doing?"
"Why am I wasting my life for such crap?" and so on.

Just know - you are not alone.

I dont think cubicle job will help - too late.
You should find REAL motive -
build (buy with mortgage) a BIG house NOW, buy a nice car -
make yourself feel lack of money but being secure meanwile.

Good luck.


 10:25 am on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

I am currently in the same type of situation as you (age, cashed up etc.) but things haven't taken a nose dive.

As jomaxx mentioned having babies to feed may make the difference. I know that if I had dependants I would be working 18 hours a day 7 days a week for a long time.

Maybe set yourself some barely achievable goals and go for them :)


 3:51 pm on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

Read "Getting things done" by David Caroll (I think) or visit a site like 43folders.com. He shows a pretty good system for keeping track of what really needs to be done rather than the things that aren't actionable.

There's a sense of accomplishment from crossing off things on your todo list, not to mention you know that each item is important rather than just spinning your wheels.



 5:05 pm on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

Maybe you've realised there's more to life than making money.


 5:48 pm on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

Maybe you've realised there's more to life than making money.

Very much so true. As far as a job goes, building sites is something I enjoy doing, but I can't say that it's my passion, and being able to work whenever and wherever doesn't give you a sense of structure or stability. It's still a 'job'. Albeit a very nice one, it needs to be done and looked at as such.

The money being taken out of the equation, deep down I'm still struggling to find the one thing to give life purpose. I've looked into becoming, among other things with more human touch, a part time masseuse...go figure. But those questions are probably a bit off topic here at WebmasterWorld... unless that M is for Massage... :)


 5:51 pm on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

rfung , i am in the same age group as you and i can understand what do you mean... The biggest non-motivator for me is i am in a position that i dont have the financial need to work anymore.

But luckily the beauty of this business is we dont have to work everyday - many days i just read/surf and not in the mood to even check the stats. But the occasional wave of enthusiasm is what keeps my business going :)


 6:04 pm on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

I posted a similar message on here once and the best advice I got was to spend more money. It sounds counterintuitive, but a low bank balance is some of the best motivation ever.
The ways I acheive this is to:

1. I put one of my biggest monthly checks directly into a savings account that I pretend isn't really there unless emergencies happen

2. I got life insurance.

3. I max out a SEP IRA every year (which has a great tax benefit) and I get my brokerage to automatically deduct an estimated amount from my account each month towards this.

4. I get my brokerage also to automatically deduct an amount towards a mutual fund investment.

5. The last few months I have been buying stock each month. This is new for me, so I am stil getting my feet wet and going slow, but it gets some money out of my bank account, and so far, I am doing quite well.

6. I bought a house and I am overpaying my mortgage every month. Even if you aren't ready to "settle down" in this way, you can buy rental properties, pay to have someone else manage them, and generate a modest positive cash flow while building equity too.

It can be tempting to just build up a wad of cash, but for me, seeing that my checking account is getting low makes me feel somewhat more "normal" like my peers and gives me that "working person's" ethic that keeps my motivation high. I have built up a pretty good safety net of money too--it's just spread out and in places where it's hard to see/get.

Good Luck!


 8:54 pm on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

Maybe you don't really believe that extra work will generate that extra money. When my business was going slow and I wasn't making much money I found it hard to get motivated. Once I figured out my strategy and business model in a workable way, I couldn't wait to do the work. Sometimes your deep-down feeling is the right one, while your "logical" ideas are nothing more than wishful thinking.

Feelings of avoidance and aversion are sometimes misguided but often profound.


 11:48 pm on Nov 27, 2005 (gmt 0)

Experts say that motivation is fueled in some people by a desire for gain and in others by a need to avoid pain. It sounds like the desire for gain is not very motivating for you any more. What if you lost your lifestyle and could not travel anymore and had to take a 9 to 5 in a cube? Would that motivate you?
It also sounds like you are looking to do something that matters - that gives back a little. Perhaps if you set up shop as a masseuse you could work on your sites between clients. This would add structure to your day by giving you an office to go to and a time when you need to be there. I had a 12 hours swing shift job - I was so motivated to get out of that job (avoid pain)that I worked harder than ever. I was promoted to a day shift job and have struggled with motivation ever since. The thing that is starting to motivate me now is that I see retirement is a dismal picture for most people in the States. I don't want that! I want a comfortable retirement (from my working job) at age 50.
Best of luck to you. I know you will find your motivation.
If you decide coaching struggling webmasters to $300 per day will motivate you...sign me up! :)


 12:27 am on Nov 28, 2005 (gmt 0)

I'm very aware of the psychology of motivation, and I know that so far my motivation has been fueled by avoidance of pain. The problem with that is that IMO avoiding pain makes you move away from it (the 50 hour work week I had before, no prospects of anything more exciting than coming back home and crash at the couch watching tv.) Thank goodness some of that has been changed with my travels, and these days I find myself finding something to do just about every day.

But what comes with that is that you have no direction to move towards to, only what you moved away from. Which means you have about 359 degrees of directions that you can get lost at.

If I set some goal like owning houses so I can move my income away from the fickleness of internet, that would give sense and purpose to work harder. However, back to the original issue, there is more to life than money. Until I find that other goal that perhaps money would help much to acomplish, having money for money's sake beyond what I need to live day to day confortably, is just not enough...

I've ran away from pain, but now I'm at this center point trying to figure out where to run to for pleasure. I guess I wasn't kidding when I said this was the ramblings of a 'lost' AM'er...


 5:55 am on Nov 28, 2005 (gmt 0)

There are mainly 4 directions in this world
which I can simplify (sorry for ignorance and bad English):

1. Soul - final destination abbey or monastery in Tibet. Lot of examples of really motivated and sucessful people got lost in that direction.

2. Love and family - this one I choosed 10 years ago. I have 2 kids and my beautiful wife to support. I have those question you asked yourself several times a day but I could'not allow myself even relax a bit in some night club.

3. Pure money. Selfish work for making bank account bigger. Nothing more exept this. Motivation in making money as a sport. You can arrange nice life around this direction - big plasma TV, huge house somewhere in California ( can I advice to go on Tenereife? ).
Lot of people in western world would choose this direction, i think.

4. Pure pleasure - little bit of alochol, a bit of "whit" or "got hi", changing girlfriend every night. Ohh, how I would wish all of that. :) But we all know where this road ends.

As some chinese said:"In your life you should try everything but keep only the best one"

We have basically no way to escape trying all of that to choose and become what we will become.


 3:59 pm on Nov 28, 2005 (gmt 0)

I think all AMs get into this mood at one point.

I also have major problems with motivation, but as one poster mentioned I just take a couple days off to surf and forget about the webstats. That always helps.

I think it's tough to run a good one man operation without getting burnt out. On the flip side, a helper will never really do the work in the way you need it done. This will just waste money and time, and for me time is much more valuable since I can never get it back!

You might want to consider renting a small office space somewhere so you can get away from home and go to a place to actually WORK! it's a small price to pay for productivity.

Best of luck, and more importantly: ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR TRIP! :)



 8:40 pm on Nov 28, 2005 (gmt 0)

My thoughts...and it's not even worth two cents:

If we are gonna really learn to soar, we have to know ourselves before we can know our crafts. I realized that if I was going to take it higher in my own life, I was going to to have spend time not just with what I do, but with who I am. Really, that's a lot harder. Well, at least for me it was trying to discover who I was and being comfortable with it...a lot harder than making money on the Internet. And, yet, I knew that was the move from success to great success. That was the edge I'd have to pass.

That edge in each of our lives...between success and significance. That subtle edge. Between being the best IN the world....and being the best for the world.

Not an easy shift...and every time I'd lose faith that I would never be able to make it, I'd meet someone who has..and they'd serve as a beacon to show me that it was possible.

I think such a person on his way is rfung.

Take the words of Meriwether Lewis, one of the men who discovered the American West under extreme odds. On his thirty-first birthday, Lewis wrote, in a famous passage, "This day I completed my thirty first year...I reflected that I had as yet done but little, very little indeed, to further that happiness of the human race, or to advance the information of the succeeding generation. I viewed with regret the many hours I have spent in indolence, and now soarly feel the want of that information which those hours would have given me had they been judiciously expended. He resolved: "In the future, to live for mankind, as I have heretofore lived for myself."

Sometimes we need to stop and think about what life really is about. Sad to say, I don't know of any successful/rich businessman who lived his life in pure joy. Can you name one? I find it funny how today's celebrities are committing suicide, feeling depressed. What does everyone want in life? They'll say money, but what they really meant was time and purpose.


 9:22 pm on Nov 28, 2005 (gmt 0)

People spend most of their adult lives wondering why they're here and what their purpose is in life.

I was clearly sent to rock.


 10:10 pm on Nov 28, 2005 (gmt 0)

rfung - Don't think that real estate is any less fickle than the internet....


 12:27 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

Don't think that real estate is any less fickle than the internet

True, but if we work hard the next year or two, the time may be right for some buying opportunities:



 12:52 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

Maybe you don't really believe that extra work will generate that extra money.

I suppose that's always true with any new website you put out, but the above struck a chord. In a way, it does reflect the headline of this thread - afraid of success, or failure...


 3:16 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

Hey you spent last 6 month chillin in Europe, thats success in my book!

I'm still trying to get that 100/day...


 4:37 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

I am in a similar space, similar age bracket.

I closed up and sold everything (after new business venture was destroyed by a wrong choice of partner).

Sat back and thought what do I really want ot do with my life? What do I enjoy doing that pays good monay and is not like work? After considering gigolo and passing on that idea (j/k) I went back to thinking about what I enjoyed and wanted to do when I was 18, fresh out of school and full of enthusiasm.

And so I moved to Thailand and now I have been here 3 months and love it, there are so many more opportunities here for me and life is enjoyable.

Come over and take a look, Asia is so different to what I expected, and for the first time in many years I am happy and content with life.


 4:42 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

No, not afraid of success :) Just know what to do with that success. I've read in many a book about wealth that if you acquire it without purpose you are just as lost as when you didn't have it! What are you going to do with your money that will give you purpose? I always made a deal with myself, that after I provide for my wife and baby, I will give back to those with less. Buy baby formula for food banks because I know what it's like to have a baby and can't fathom the thought of folks not being able to feed their children! Build homes through habitat for humanity for those who really need the homes. That, to me, would bring great satisfaction. Sponsor children in other countries to feed them and give them clothes...go do charity work in other countries...Of course you can have your fun and play as well in between time! Give purpose to your riches and you won't be so lost...These are just my thoughts and opinions...I don't expect everyone to share them ;)



 4:50 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

There you go Dave...you're on your way. Just don't be an extreme liberal and become a hypocrite (pracitce what you preach!) like so many other people end up doing.


 7:26 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

LOL... I am 23 and have the same problem :)


 1:55 pm on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

Come over and take a look, Asia is so different to what I expected, and for the first time in many years I am happy and content with life.

Asia is in my books for next year. It's one of my whimsical goals to spend a month in China learning martial arts and Chinese, then spend 2 months losing all the muscle I won laying on a hut by the beach in Thailand(working as well of course) before I head back to US for my brother's graduation party.

I've read in many a book about wealth that if you acquire it without purpose you are just as lost as when you didn't have it!

So very true. It goes back to purpose in life. I'll have to think deep and hard about that.

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