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Trouble with spouse or family
How do you get them to understand what you are doing?
oregon




msg:362473
 3:35 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

Has anyone else had problems with their spouse, significant other,family or friends when you try to make them understand the value of what you are building?

I had a heated conversation with my husband last night. We rarely do that, but I was so mad.

He's been listening to all the ads about buying gold and mentioned a couple of months ago that we should by some. Yesterday he talked to a friend who had made $x,#*$!! in the last few months on the gold he bought. He was throwing a tizzy becuase we didn't do it.

I told him that if we were going to invest in anything right now it needed to be in promoting my web site becuase it was our future. I also informed him that I had made more than his friend in the last two months with hard work. And, that this hard work would build on itself and eventually bring in far more than that same amount of gold would. He said that wasn't the same becuase the smart thing is to make money from money not from work. Well, I happen to trust what I can do for myself more than what someone else can do for me.

He didn't get it. I've tried to explain the concept of building this business so we can retire from our every day jobs and live a comfortable life. Yes, I will have to continue to work on the site. But I enjoy that and will even more when I don't have to work full time doing my day job. Also, I can do the business from anywhere so we can move and we can do some traveling.

I know this type of a business is a concept most people do not understand. None of my friends have any desire to do something like this. I guess he will get it when we can quit out jobs.

 

Erku




msg:362474
 3:45 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

Hi Oregon,

I used to be in a similar situation with my wife, but not we both understand the value of what I am building online. She would see me working endless hours (I have a full time job too, which I love very much.) I believed in what I was doing and explained her. Does your husband know that you are making some hard money with your website?

I think thousands are in the same situation, but this is a new thing, and we are like visionaries who see it coming. Remember, "A prophet is a stranger in his own town."

But as the time comes your husband will understand. Perhaps, he wants to spend more money with you.

greatstart




msg:362475
 3:50 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

My family tells me I should quit the Internet business and not depend on the daily ups and downs of AdSense.

They say I should get a regular 9-5 job again, so I could get benefits, and not have to pay so much in self-employment taxes.

They only problem is, I am not in good enough shape to pull a 8+ hour shift anymore. That is why I like working at home on my PC.

coolma




msg:362476
 4:03 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

Yeah, the endless hours made my girls mad.
I need to spend time with her. Sorry darling.
I will prove.

oregon




msg:362477
 4:16 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

Glad to know I'm not the only one.

He is reaping the benefits because he is currently laid off for lack of work and the money I am making from adsense is making up for that. He knows I'm making money and he is excited. He has this problem with patience though and thinks we should be where I can quit by now.

Don't get me wrong, he's a loving man and a good husband. Part of the problem is probably becuase in 23 years of marriage he has been through my money making faiures -- mostly MLM. And, this is a hard business to explain to someone, esepcially when you are tied to your computer instead of enjoying the evening with him.

I think when we have more disposable cash to spend on his big boy toys, he will get the idea :-)

simonmc




msg:362478
 4:29 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

Oh how this thread echoes through my mind.

I started out about 4 years ago with my current venture. I gave up a very high paying career to invest in a sustainable future of my own.

It took about a year for my wife to understand that I was not "PLAYING" on my computer. We barely made rent the first 2 years.

This year my business will turnover a very healthy profit and I now have a proper office with employees.

If you get the breaks that I had along the way the hard work will be worth it. The harder you work the luckier you get. Funny that :-)

My wife now works in the business too. I showed her where to learn about SEO and off she went and picked it up. So I now have a full time SEO too. Plus she sees the value of the work I do and we both reap the rewards of the work she does.

If you can ..try and involve your other half in some way. That way they will at least start to see the potential of the business which is actually when life got better for me.

oregon




msg:362479
 4:50 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

Good idea to involve him. It's going to be a rocky road becuase he is just now learning how to use a computer! He only searches the internet for car sites he likes and hasn't even sent an email.

I think it is time for some education!

LifeinAsia




msg:362480
 5:02 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

He only searches the internet for car sites he likes

I think it is time for some education!

Sounds like a good tie-in to me for teaching SEO. When he searches for a car site and finds one, have him pick apart the site to find out why it came up high in the SERPs.

Of course, you need to get him educated to the point where he'll understand what you're talking about. :)

oregon




msg:362481
 5:21 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

"Sounds like a good tie-in to me for teaching SEO. When he searches for a car site and finds one, have him pick apart the site to find out why it came up high in the SERPs."

This is a great idea! At this point I don't have time to spend as much on SEO as I like and I think he could be good at it.

Thank you!

buckworks




msg:362482
 5:58 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

Hang in there. The most convincing thing you can do is to build your income.

My husband used to think I was nuts. He would make concerned comments about internet addiction, and suggest that I give up and get "a real job". His tune changed the day I paid off his truck loan two years early, and he has since become my best cheerleader.

Your husband is right that it's good to make money from money, not from work ... but it takes work (and discipline) to reach the point where you can start doing that. If you have the right kind of skills, buillding a web business is a very realistic way to get there. There are no guarantees, but no limits either.

Moosetick




msg:362483
 6:22 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

Buying gold is not a good investment. Look at the returns of the S&P500 over the last 10, 25, or 50 years. Now look at how the prices of gold have done.

While gold has done well this year, many stocks have also done well. Buying gold is more of a gamble than an investment. You can easily track it back to 1800 and see it hasn't been a great performer.

rocknbil




msg:362484
 6:47 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

My wife has a small "niche" business in our small (Oregon! :-) ) town of just over 23,000. When she opened her business, it was with the understanding that it would never really pay for the bills, being in a niche, and being in a small town.

I told her I would build a site, it would change everything. She was doubtful but let me "play." So when the site was ready, I asked her if she was ready for this, things would start happing quickly. "Yeah sure," still doubtful. So I launched a few marketing campaigns and began using AdWords to bring customers to her site.

Three weeks and the visits skyrocketed (from where they were) and orders began coming in, it blew her away and she began to seriously take notice. She was completely overwhelmed. We've been at this three months, and she can't keep inventory in stock, her largest complaint now is that she spends most of her time reordering things, she barely gets it in the door and has to ship most of it out. As I type this, her email alert went off and another order just came in. :-D

My point is that you know your husband, there may be areas he is just not interested in learning or doesn't have faith in, what you need to do is find the one thing that will bring this to his attention. Obviously money is not enough. :-)

Animated




msg:362485
 11:52 pm on May 10, 2006 (gmt 0)

this is a great modivation thread guys:) Thanx

p1lky




msg:362486
 7:56 am on May 11, 2006 (gmt 0)

My husband can just about use hotmail - he *still* has to ask instructions whenever he needs to transfer files across the network. When he started moaning about me being an addict, I set him up with a custom CMS to involve him. 3 years later, he hasn't got a clue how much his site makes (he's never asked!), I'm saving that as the ultimate amunition if needed.

I develop for other people as well as myself, and he seems happy as long as the phone rings for me every day. Two days without a call though, and he thinks I'm skiving - working on my own sites isn't work.

hu12




msg:362487
 9:47 am on May 11, 2006 (gmt 0)

The best way to invest is "together" in both web site and in "real" assets. The pay off from building both will result in the desired independence.

Jim Rogers said, "...gold can never go to zero, oil can never go to zero, but Enron can and did go to zero."

txbakers




msg:362488
 11:42 am on May 11, 2006 (gmt 0)

The turning point for us was getting the first big check in the mail. Suddenly we had more money in the bank than ever before and my wife realized that this could really happen.

Although I still get dirty looks when it's been 10 hours of coding and the dishes are still in the sink and the laundry isn't folded.

But like everyone else who posted I involved her, gave her some responsibility and she's enjoying as much as I do. She doesn't do any of the coding, but she can handle phone calls, support requests, etc.

Oh, and when she was able to quit her job, and we both were home "playing" on the computer, that made a big difference too.

jessejump




msg:362489
 12:34 pm on May 11, 2006 (gmt 0)

Maybe spend a little time researching on the web with him about investing in gold etc.

[edited by: jatar_k at 11:30 pm (utc) on May 17, 2006]
[edit reason] no urls thanks [/edit]

webtress




msg:362490
 2:15 pm on May 11, 2006 (gmt 0)

Ah yes the looks, mine came after I burnt the rice about 5 times but he has started to see that the last few years of long hours are paying off, and I have learned to put the timer on when cooking :) Try to set aside time everyday for both you, phones and email are not invited. Don't expect him to jump into what you do full force but if you can find some aspect of it to include him in that would keep his interest then having a mate as part of your team can be a plus, mine is the IT guy :)

LifeinAsia




msg:362491
 3:32 pm on May 11, 2006 (gmt 0)

Our situation is a little different.
I was the one who spent a lot of time developing my personal site. Minimal income at that point- usually not even covering hosting costs. But the skills I learned helped me land my next job. She started helping me a bit to round out and maintain her design skills.

Several years later, SHE was the one who convinced me to quit my nice job and do the site full-time together as a business.

Several years after that, while surviving some lean times, SHE was the one lamenting how much money we "lost" by leaving the corporate world, not to mention the huge debt we had racked up to finance the business. Many times she said she wanted to just dump it, cut our losses, and go back to the corporate world.

Since then, business has picked up quite a bit. The debt was completely paid off much sooner than anyone expected. Last week we closed on our first house, which was quite a bit more than we were even hoping for just 1 year ago, and which we never could have gotten had we dumped the business.

We're not ready to retire to the Cayman Islands any time soon. But we're also not going to be dumping the business any time soon either.

oneguy




msg:362492
 6:59 pm on May 11, 2006 (gmt 0)

I've had similar situations where none of the good advice here worked.

The most convincing thing you can do is to build your income.

Sometimes you just have to plow through.

Jane_Doe




msg:362493
 8:47 pm on May 11, 2006 (gmt 0)

Good idea to involve him. It's going to be a rocky road becuase he is just now learning how to use a computer! He only searches the internet for car sites he likes and hasn't even sent an email. I think it is time for some education!

If he isn't working at a regular job and doesn't have any likely prospects in the near future, I'd ask him to start taking some web classes so he can help with the web business.

malachite




msg:362494
 12:27 am on May 12, 2006 (gmt 0)

I have learned to put the timer on when cooking :)
LOL. I bought a cooker with a timer on it after many months of burnt offerings ;)

It's difficult for someone who doesn't understand the net to visualise what's going on, how Adsense works etc, especially when it's something he can't see/touch/feel. Non-webmasters just don't get it. Your husband might also be feeling bad because he's out of work right now and relying on you to put bread on the table.

Getting him involved is a good way to make him feel he's contributing to the business and your income. It will boost his ego, give him an understanding and best of all, you'll suddenly be working together towards a joint goal.

Caveat: working with your spouse can be awkward, sometimes it's hard to leave husband/wife/family issues behind to become colleagues between 9 and 5 (or whatever your hours are), particularly if you work from home!

Whether you both work on the same sites, or on separate projects, bring him online (deliberate pun ;) ) and who knows, he might really enjoy finding his own "niche" to monetise.

oregon




msg:362495
 2:04 am on May 12, 2006 (gmt 0)

Thanks everyone, it has really helped to know I'm not the only one who has gone through this in one way or another.

I know that this is going to be a very successful business for us. I have the determination to work the long hours (most days) and I have some good ideas now how I can involve him.

luckychucky




msg:362496
 2:52 am on May 12, 2006 (gmt 0)

It helps to review the profitability curves for startups. Amazon lost something like 600 or 700 million $US each year for, like, its first 6 years. This is not an exception - it tends to be the norm; I've seen a lot of revenue/profitability graphs.

...and I experienced it firsthand in my own business. The first 2 years after launch were a bear (and preceded by 9 years of brick&mortar struggles, sometimes through some very rough seas). Without hyperbole, I am proud to say I am now number one, the 400 pound gorilla both in my trade and in the serps too. I'm hauling in mucho bank indeed. Life's swell.

Have a good, hard, cold look at your plan. If you're not in denial and it really does have legs, if you know this deep in your bones with true rational conviction, you just stick with it. Your day will come - and sooner than you might have projected too.

BananaFish




msg:362497
 8:19 pm on May 12, 2006 (gmt 0)

I do this for a living, but you have to look at the other side of the coin as well. It's very annoying if you want to talk or spend time with someone and they're glued to computer screen 24/7. Sometimes you need to set it aside or take a day or two away from it. If your business fails, I'm sure it's not going to be because your didn't spend all day Mother's Day obliviously working on your web site(s).

jessejump




msg:362498
 8:49 pm on May 12, 2006 (gmt 0)

>>>>> t's very annoying if you want to talk or spend time with someone and they're glued to computer screen 24/7.

Best post ever.

luckychucky




msg:362499
 12:36 pm on May 13, 2006 (gmt 0)

Buddhists speak of having a right relation to people, places and things. Nothing wrong with healthy food, healthy sex, or healthy work; there is something wrong, however, with obesity, sexual obsession, or workaholism. It's all about balance, and even though the Net can be a powerful addictive draw, so are a million other things in life. A marriage can potentiallly be ruined by a partner's work obsession - no matter where or how he or she makes a living. A marriage can be ruined by a partner's obsession with gambling. Or fishing.

johnblack




msg:362500
 12:55 pm on May 13, 2006 (gmt 0)

Just to chime in with my 2c on this.

I'm in fulltime employment as a programmer and I believe I have a good future ahead financially. My partner is also in fulltime employment and is well paid.

I have just recently entered the world of SEO which is alien not just to my partner but to me as well despite my IT background.

One day I hope to give up my job and 'do' SEO as a living yet still earning a wage that enables us to live the same lifestyle we have today.

I'm sure my partner has her reservations yet she is fully supportive of me. The reason I believe she is fully supportive is that I try to communicate to her exactly what is going on, keeping her involved every step of the way. At some stage she has said she would like to set up her own web site on a topic which she feels strongly about.

I have read a number of posts from people where they say they don't even tell their partners about what they do (adsense-wise) or where their money comes from? I do wonder what kind of relationship they have with their partner, but that's their choice.

All I know is if you are honest with your partner then they will understand. Isn't the whole point of a relationship being with something who supports you with your dreams? Perhaps I'm just being a romantic :o)

thegreatpretender




msg:362501
 1:06 pm on May 13, 2006 (gmt 0)

My wife started appreciating what I do when she saw my 4 figure checks from adsense and other online ventures. Prior to that, it was an endless explanation and she seemed not gettting it.

[edited by: thegreatpretender at 1:08 pm (utc) on May 13, 2006]

trinorthlighting




msg:362502
 1:08 pm on May 13, 2006 (gmt 0)

Geez, I would give him a little money and send him to play poker with the boys....

This 67 message thread spans 3 pages: 67 ( [1] 2 3 > >
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