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Sunday Funnies Words of Wisdom
Early again. I might be out of town on Sunday.

 7:53 pm on Jan 18, 2012 (gmt 0)

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.



 9:54 pm on Jan 18, 2012 (gmt 0)

>>I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Hilarious! :)


 6:34 am on Jan 19, 2012 (gmt 0)

Love these, I made a copy to quote to friends. One of the most hilarious pieces I saw 10 years ago related to diet tips. It started out saying if you break a Snickers or Butterfinger in half and eat some before lunch and some after you saved half the calories. Likewise if you cut the candy bar in thirds you really save on the calories. If you follow these tips you can cut your caloric intake substantially and eat the same things. Its how you eat that takes the weight off

Plus I take it for granted everybody already knew eating cake or pie on any day that has an s in it reduces calories by half. These truths I already knew but it helps to have the list. I can go astray and start adding pounds.

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