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Sunday Funnies
Twenty Dollars

 4:55 am on Nov 14, 2011 (gmt 0)

OK, it's a few hours early, so sue me...

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
She needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

That's when she shot him.

OK, I'm doing some quick math here...

Assuming once a day for 40 years x 365 days per year x $20 each = $292,000, far under the $1M in total deposits. To make $1M in 40 years at $20 each is 50K times, or 1250 year, or 3.4 times a day.

... and he wasn't giving her all his business?

Holy cow! :)



 5:18 am on Nov 14, 2011 (gmt 0)

You left out interest rates. At best 1.125 times a day. :)


 7:21 am on Nov 14, 2011 (gmt 0)

Heh, I did overlook the interest part...

The fact that they were married 40 years, and he was 59, and it says "more than forty years...", makes you wonder how old she was when they married because he could be no more than 19...

... and ... and ... several times a day for 40 years? Um, er...

OK, I'm over analyzing this one for sure ;)


 8:51 pm on Nov 14, 2011 (gmt 0)

Reminds me of MY favorite joke. Forgive me if you've heard this before:

Q. What's the difference between genius and stupidity?

A. There are limits to genius.


 9:28 pm on Nov 14, 2011 (gmt 0)

Well, $1 in 1970 was worth $5.37 today factoring in the inflation rate... Assuming once a day for 40 years, AND taking inflation into account...

40 years x 365 days = 14,600 sessions
$53.70 = Average cost per session (accounting for inflation)
$53.70 x 14,600 = $784,000 before compounding interest on savings


 9:30 pm on Nov 14, 2011 (gmt 0)

Actually, add another $537 to the total, to account for the 10 leap years.


 9:48 pm on Nov 14, 2011 (gmt 0)

Just for fun I went to a compound interest calculator to see how it might stack up in reality, assuming $20/day, $7300/year, 40 years, 3% interest, and it was $566,942.

So doing it twice a day or a small bump in interest rates would easily hit $1M in 40 years, a tad more plausible :)

HOWEVER, that still doesn't explain the parlay of these funds into CDs worth $2M as you can't double dip the same money.


 11:31 pm on Nov 14, 2011 (gmt 0)

I am pleased that we all got the true meaning of the anecdote. Thank goodness none of that yucky stuff was part of the discussion.


 11:42 pm on Nov 14, 2011 (gmt 0)

Wasn't there a spell in the 80's, give or take,

:: pause to count on fingers ::

when interest rates went through the ceiling? If she bought her CDs back then...

Punch line: Last night an' this morning.

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