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"threaten the groom"

 2:12 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

I was at a wedding this past weekend. A lovely celebration.

At one point well into the reception, after the free bar had been very generous to a few women there from the bride's side, they ganged up on the groom, and told him in no uncertain terms that is he ever, EVER, EVER hurt {$bridesname}, they would personally kick his {$swearfilter}.

It made me chuckle, because I've heard it so many times before. In a previous decade I worked as a DJ and musician, and I've worked hundreds of weddings. And I've witnessed this ritual so many times, I think it should just be incorporated into the ceremony.

"threaten the groom" - print it up on the itinerary: get it over with early in the evening. It goes between the couple's first dance and the DJ playing Bob Seeger so you can watch the groom's great uncle shake his booty



 3:27 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

As a professional musician for 50 years (ye ghods has it been that long?) I can relate. But I do have a problem with DJs... they are not musicians and really eat into my income. :)


 4:21 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

They are not musicians

Except those who "remix" ..

I thought threatening the groom was the brides father's and brother's gig ..times are a changing :)


 4:34 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

@Leosghost... DJs are not musicians. Even those who remix... but we digress... and this is only a #*$!le on my wart so is not something we want to share in public. :)

(Fifteen instruments and not one of them requires a platter...)

Yet, weddings are the penultimate worst case scenario for either musicians or djs... BRIDES are such unpredictable clients! :)


 4:37 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

How weird... p*i*m*p*l*e (in my original, even edited twice comes out #*$!le.


 4:44 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

^^ I guess there's no way to P acne eruptions.

if he ever, EVER, EVER hurt {$bridesname}, they would personally kick his {$swearfilter}

Yeah, it's a double standard all right. Everyone laughs when you reply "what about me, what about when she divorces my sorry ***, takes everything I own, and leaves me working three jobs just to cover her alimony?"

Yeah, real funny. I beat them down at my wedding, I guess if they ever plan to make good on their threat they will be bringing the Big Guns. LOL


 5:05 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

How can a musician not like DJs?

That is like actors who don't like theaters or TVs.

Djs promote musicians do they not. I am pretty sure I have seen famous Djs reinvigorate a musicians career simply by mixing some of their stuff.

---back on track with thread---

Usually when I see the groom threatened it isn't the bride's friends, it is either an ex-boyfriend or a brother. 1 time I saw a father give this speech, although in that case it was warranted. The groom was a loser.

Automan Empire

 5:56 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

Not very dignified or meaningful in my opinion, but at least 1,000 times better than smashing wedding cake in each others' faces, if such a thing can be quantified.


 6:13 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

@Demaestro... spoken like a true outsider of the art. Transistor radios are also "musicians" simply because they play music... but then again I digress. (Arrgggh! Got my motor running!)

"Hey kids! Larry Kane of ZBXX Radeo playing duh tunz (scratch scratch... artistry) and be sure you don't trip down the stairs while sucking down the latest whatever brew! Meanwhile, let me put my tone arm on the next track so we can have some dance fun..."

Yeah, that's a musician.

I should know better in FOO... sorry.


 6:55 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

@tangor I never said Djs were musicians. Perhaps re-read what I posted.

I said I don't get why a musician wouldn't like DJs as a whole.

I was pointing out Djs promote musicians which is why I don't understand the dislike.

I would argue though that some talented Djs are artists. Not musicians, but artists.

I think a musician needs an instrument to qualify as such.


 7:08 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

woah - calm down tangor! heh heh

Demaestro never said a DJ *is like* a musician. He said that musicians might like DJs - and I'll add, especially those who play their recordings. It's not a question of artistic merit, it's a question of marketing. Exposure by a DJ enhances a musician's career. 'nuff said.

Where it concerns wedding gigs, 90% of the weddings I've been to as a musician have had a DJ for the dancing part of the night, whereas a very small % of the weddings I've done as a DJ had hired any musicians at all. I was in a jazz quartet - most of the work as pianist was doing the ceremonial promontory music, and sometimes to provide nice sounds for the first half of the reception or dinner. They'd still switch over to prerecorded music for the late-night party.

So I never saw much overlap there, nor any need for jealousy or resentment. Some DJ's I've met have been accomplished musicians who do both because they own the PA equipment anyways, and it pays the bills.

Way off topic now, but I don't care, this is foo


 7:17 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

Kewl it out, kiddies.

I take no offense, nor meant any.

But as a musician I have never shared a venue with a DJ which NON MUSICAN dilutes MY PRODUCT (music performance). Pretty sure you guys get a bit ticked with Google Cache compared to your pages.

Think about it.

Apples to Oranges, etc.

Then again, this is FOO...


 8:41 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

We had a DJ at my wedding.

My sister had live performance at hers.

Almost 20 years later, someone mentions how much fun our wedding was about once a year (long after we left, people were dancing on the tables. The venue eventually had to kick people out to go home).

My sister's wedding was a yawner.

I'd do a DJ again everytime. Bob Seger and 'thank gawd I'm a county boy' (shudder, why this seems to be my families anthem is beyond me) and all :).


 9:08 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

Want to see the best Dj party? Over 250,000 people in a live outdoor audience!

Search YouTube for
fat boy slim Brighton beach

That is something I wish I hadn't missed.

Live band or live Dj, a skilled artist of their craft will get people excited about what they are doing regardless.

Dissing DJs because you fancy yourself some elitist musician is the same as a photographer scathing at someone who does amazing original collage art in Photoshop saying things like "It dilutes my work"

It wreaks of snobbery. There are amazing talents in both genres.

I love and support Google cache though so I guess I am bias ;)


 9:47 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

DJs are not musicians.

Now you are showing your age, Tangor. Lol!

Many musicians mix their playing of instruments with the best of today's technology and create something entirely new. Many of those who utilise music in this way create their works live on stage - from behind a dj console.

In many musical spheres the boundaries between musician, producer, arranger and dj blurred a long time ago. You know this.

Many musicians create original music via computerised means. Many dj's do the same. What's the difference? Dj-ing in many quarters is live, performance art; music is created spontaneously via technological means by the person behind a computer console..

If they're going beyond just playing the work of others via a disc or digital file and are creating new music then that makes them a musician.

As a sometimes dj myself, I just like spinning those old 45s... :-)

As for 'threaten the groom', I've experienced such things first hand, although that wasn't at a wedding - just geezer mates of a girlfriend of old who, when I was introduced to them for the first time would come out with paternal nonsense like "You're one of us now - part of the family."

I always thought to myself: "No thank you. You're a low-life violent scumbag who's done prison time and has 'cut here' tattooed across your throat - I'm not like you, and I don't want to be part of your family!" ;-)



 10:13 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

I'm a musician, my brother-in-law is a DJ (very accomplished and a great guy), but we are both artists.
Get a bit hot under the collar with 'live acts' that use backing tracks though....


 10:32 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

we are both artists

tbear has found the golden middle ground IMO.
DJ's and musicians are both artists... but DJs are not musicians and vice versa.


 10:58 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

I agree with tangor regarding the average DJs. But that does not apply to Turntablists.

Some DJs known as turntablists are musicians. I didn't realize it until I attended a Cut Chemist vs. DJ Qbert(of turntablism group, Invisibl Skratch Piklz) concert. Cut Chemist was a member of the seminal Turtablism group called Jurassic 5.

I was awestruck and pleasantly surprised the first time I saw them. Basically, they each had several crates of vinyl records with three or four turntables each. Each artist would throw a record on and isolate a specific beat or rhythm and add that to the "song" they were composing right there on the spot. That's when I understood that these DJs were musicians and the turntables were their instruments. The relationship between the equipment and the artists was nothing less than a musician and their instrument. Wikipedia defines Turntablism as,

the art of manipulating sounds and creating music using phonograph turntables and a DJ mixer. The word 'turntablist' was coined in 1995 by DJ Babu[1] to describe the difference between a DJ who just plays records, and one who performs by touching and moving the records, stylus and mixer to manipulate sound.

I left the show around 3:00 AM, and that's because I needed to sleep, not because the show was over. :P

Back on topic, the whole threaten the groom thing sounds strange. If the guy is good enough to marry then doesn't it follow he's the sort that will treat her right so it doesn't have to be said? Or have I been attending the wrong weddings? :P

Btw, I had five-piece swinging jazz band at my wedding, no DJs. Five old guys who have been playing jazz forever. :P


 11:31 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)

Glad this is foo. Sounds like musicianzillas to me.

From my desk "artists" are the worst clients; so full of themselves - thinking that their work is so special. Makes me want to puke. They aren't all like that of course, but best to expect the worst first. Not something that I have had to deal with in a while, but have friends that take on 'artist' clients. More great stories without having to be personally involved. LOL

Back to topic, if possible. We would have live music at a small wedding/reception. The idea of a big gala affair turns us both cold. Small, casual, intimate, relaxed.....and live music to match. Otherwise, we'd just burn enough CDs to last the evening.

Wonder how the wedding industry is faring these days? We would not be ideal customers anyway. No big event, not even a diamond. She doesn't want one, and would be appalled at the perfectly good money into one. We've agreed on matching, handmade, platinum rings - so pretty much proof that all choices are very much personal choices. LOL


 11:56 pm on Sep 21, 2009 (gmt 0)


What? Not planning to go into debt for 20 years for your wedding?! Sacrilege! :)

My wife and I had a similar experience when we got married. Friends and family were scattered across 2 countries (separated by a big expanse of water). No matter where we had the wedding, we would have had to exclude large groups of people because of the travel distance involved. So we compromised- NO ONE was invited to our wedding. We got married in Las Vegas instead. We were planning to go to a kitschy wedding room, but while waiting in line at the courthouse to get our marriage license we decided to just get married across the street by a judge. And our witness was the building security guard. :)

So no DJ. No live band. And no huge debt waiting for us after that. One of the best decisions we ever made.


 1:22 am on Sep 22, 2009 (gmt 0)

NO ONE was invited to our wedding......So no DJ. No live band. And no huge debt waiting for us after that. One of the best decisions we ever made.

We got married at a court house, but we did invite a couple of friends. The rings were simple bands from a discount store. I think we went out for dinner and a beer afterwards. We used our money for a house and savings instead of a wedding.

Decades later, we have never regretted that choice. So many of our friends are divorced now and/or having money issues that we are glad we started things off on a frugal note.


 1:26 pm on Sep 22, 2009 (gmt 0)

if he ever, EVER, EVER hurt {$bridesname}, they would personally kick his {$swearfilter}

Hahahaha. Of course. Because abuse (whether physical, verbal, emotional, financial, etc.) is only ever one-way in a marriage. And it's always the man who is the manipulator/aggressor. And any abuse which does occur (let's assume on the whole it doesn't) has absolutely nothing to do with the individual character of the husband or wife. It's absolutely related to whether the individual has XY or XX chromosomes. Nothing else.

What appallingly prejudiced moronic reductionist reasoning.


I think afterwards the whole congregation should sing as one:

"Sugar and Spice and all Things Nice, that's what little girls are made of,
Slugs and Snails and Puppy-Dogs' Tails, that's what little boys are made of."

I imagine that would help clear up any ambiguity.


 4:25 pm on Sep 22, 2009 (gmt 0)

ronin - You showed the tip of the iceberg. People so often feed off of each other negatively and seem to enjoy it. Assuming that it is not a perpetual issue, when one person is having a bad day the other should shore them up, help them through. So many times I've seen the other person throw gasoline on the fire, and then they both just escalate from there - neither showing the slightest consideration for the other. It makes me sick to see and I refuse to be around such situations.

A family member and his ex-wife were like that. They both gave us good as they got and they lived that way. Just sickening to see.

I am the luckiest man around. We're not perfect, but we each put the other first almost all the time. No coincidence that we don't really have disputes, and small issues don't become anything more. We each look out for the other. That sometimes includes looking in the eye and saying, "Knock it off." or "Where is this going." Deep breaths all around and thankful to step back and put the garbage in the dump.

While I feel for women who are abused, I have NEVER seen a situation where they were not equally guilty; equally stupid - yet they both go back for more, the relationship built on turmoil. Was there every any love?


 4:53 pm on Sep 22, 2009 (gmt 0)

I also attended a wedding last Saturday, my son's second and hopefully last wedding. I was best man. No pack of inebriated females harranged him, luckily our families and friends have not yet descended that far into the East Enders behaviour pattern. It was a great day enjoyed by all, the sun shone and the young couple were obviously deeply in love. If any group of hostile women or men had tried to spoil it they would have been dealt with.

BTW I am also a musician. DJ's are mainly people who would like to be musicians but they haven't got the talent so they play other people's music too loud and usually ruin it by talking over it. Rap artists are just as bad, and a DJ who plays Rap is twice as bad. They should all be defenestrated.


 9:10 pm on Sep 22, 2009 (gmt 0)

I play guitar but have never been accused of being a musician. I'm not a DJ but have a JD degree. Not sure what it stands for - juvenile delinquent or something like that.

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