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This 33 message thread spans 2 pages: 33 ( [1] 2 > >     
Man Caught Having Sex with his Bicycle
... gets probation for riding his bike ;o)

 11:39 am on Nov 15, 2007 (gmt 0)


Gives a whole new meaning to "riding a bike".



 7:26 pm on Nov 15, 2007 (gmt 0)

Many years ago I had a custom made $700 chrome plated racing bike, all Italian parts and when it wasn't in use, I kept it hung on the living room wall as a sculpture. Gawd, how I loved that bike!


 8:56 pm on Nov 15, 2007 (gmt 0)

You mean really loved it?


 9:31 pm on Nov 15, 2007 (gmt 0)

that's bizarre.

but it's equally bizarre that he was charged and put on probation for it. he was in a locked room, rubbing himself on a piece of metal and rubber. how does that make him a threat to society? would he have gotten probation if his choice of inanimate pleasure tool was a blow-up doll, a vibrator, a stack of books, a box of safety pins, or an eggplant?

... wait... was it even HIS bike?


 10:00 pm on Nov 15, 2007 (gmt 0)

Hey come on! Let's leave the egg plants out of this.


 2:02 am on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

"Both cleaners, who were "extremely shocked", told the hostel manager who called police."

We don't want anyone to become extremely shocked.


 4:32 am on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

I imagine he was listening to Queen (Bicycle) on his walkman, and didn't hear the door.

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

Talking about bicycles, I was on a stationary bike at the gym the other week, and the seat was adjusted to high, and after 30 minutes, my crotch area fell asleep. Not the most pleasant feeling when the pins and needles feeling started.


 4:51 am on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

What's hilarious is that picture of "a bike" as if we didn't know what one looked like.

Or is that the actual victim, which would be in poor taste given the "delicate" nature of the offense?


 8:43 am on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

This is still ok, but this is weirdest news [newsoftheworld.co.uk] I came across.


 8:49 am on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

I am afraid that anything from the "News of the Screws" does not qualify unless you are supplying large pinches of salt. ;)


 12:28 pm on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

Will nobody speak up for the bicycle? It needs a "spokes"man.

Seriously the Scots must be stark raving bonkers for prosecuting this poor bugger. Putting him on the sex offenders list is a masterpiece of politically correct thinking "gorn mad!". What is the purpose of this? To protect bicycles?

I suppose now we must call him a pedalophile. It is surely only a matter of time before hordes of knuckle dragging bicycle owners start painting things on his door and throwing bricks through his windows. Then some bright spark MP will demand the equivalent of "megan's law" so that all bicycle owners can find out if these pedalophiles are living nearby and protect their beloved mode of transport from exposure to their leering and abusive behaviour.

I want to know:
1. Was the bicycle offered counseling and
2. Was the offender only doing it because he was abused by his father's bicycle as a child?

We should be told!


 12:37 pm on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

At least it wasn't a tricycle. That would be really sick. :~}


 12:49 pm on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

Latest Breaking News

Father's bicycle says "It was not my fault they were too poor to afford a saddle"

Offender "took precautions" he was wearing a cycling helmet.

[edited by: Old_Honky at 12:50 pm (utc) on Nov. 16, 2007]


 3:38 pm on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

old honky you made me lol.

so does a sexy bike have "love handles"?


 4:38 pm on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

"When I'm riding on my bike
And that man comes on the radio
And he's tellin' me more and more
About some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination.
I can't get no, oh no no no.
Hey hey hey, that's what I say

I can't get no satisfaction,
I can't get no satisfaction.
'cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no"


 4:47 pm on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

so does a sexy bike have "love handles"?
Yes I think so except for the racing bikes who are super fit. They go too fast for the pedalophiles to catch them anyway.

I wonder does pumping up a tyre constitute foreplay?

I expect when pedalophiles meet they fantasize about tandems.

When they were at school they weren't going behind the bike sheds with the girls they were going inside.

I am told that these people regard themselves as quite normal and describe themselves as "cyclosexualists" they are already petitioning the government to allow a form of cyclosexual marriage. The church is against it but as a lot of vicars ride around their parish on a bicycle they are wide open to criticism for having double standards and indeed for being cyclophobic and latent cyclosexualists. There is nothing in the Bible or Koran which explicitly prohibits sex with a bicycle... Or is there?

Personally whilst not being of that preference myself, if a man and his bicycle are in love then I see no reason why they should not be allowed to marry and even adopt their own little tricycles.

Whatever rings your bell.


 5:29 pm on Nov 16, 2007 (gmt 0)

"Lance Armstrong" Giggle


 12:34 am on Nov 17, 2007 (gmt 0)



I was trying to think of something related to bicyclosexual!


 12:50 am on Nov 17, 2007 (gmt 0)

Breaking news ...


 3:31 pm on Nov 18, 2007 (gmt 0)

equivalent of "megan's law" so that all bicycle owners can find out if these pedalophiles - Well yes, why not! Or following on from our left wing government, ban them!

Im sure theres some group or other that hates bikes, if not ill start one.

Ban them now!


 3:37 pm on Nov 18, 2007 (gmt 0)

Breaking news ...

I agree.
This is an utter travesty of justice. That man is now a convicted "sex offender"- for what? Merely getting off in private. Granted, he used an inanimate object for his pleasure, but many women do that with specially designed objects, and it would be an outrage if they got arrested for it. The same should apply here.
Sure, it's funny to make fun of this guy's embarrassment, but this has ruined his life.
If pleasuring yourself in private is a crime then what's left?


 5:27 pm on Nov 18, 2007 (gmt 0)

Sheriff Colin Miller told Stewart: "In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a 'cycle-sexualist'."

Ah, the good Sherif keeping us safe from people who might be have a weird a taste behind close doors.

Serious question: How far away are cameras in homes? Thank god US is a bit behind on that department...


 1:13 am on Nov 19, 2007 (gmt 0)

I suppose there are three subdivisions of this sort of sexual behaviour:

Hetrocyclosexualists are men who prefer women's bikes (and vice versa). Homocyclosexualists are men who prefer men's bikes and women who prefer women's bikes.
Bicyclosexualists will bestow their favours on any bike regardless of the gender for which it was designed.

Extreme jealousy can occur if another man (or woman) fondles their bicycle's saddle or slips his hand into the saddle bag. Except of course for those who frequent the increasingly popular cycle swapping parties where they all throw their cycle clips into a hat and then anything goes.


 6:43 am on Nov 19, 2007 (gmt 0)

The bachelor had been living in the hostel since October 2006 after moving from his council house in Girvan. - which means there is a high chance he has been evicted for something or other.

Now was it Anti social behaviour of a sexual nature? Or does he have a mental ilness which means he is unable to manage his personal affairs?

I think theres a bit more to this than first meets the eye.

However you could say his girlfriends the neighbourhood bike....

[edited by: Essex_boy at 6:44 am (utc) on Nov. 19, 2007]


 11:01 am on Nov 19, 2007 (gmt 0)

However you could say his girlfriends the neighbourhood bike....

LOL! (But it may not travel) ;)


 11:22 am on Nov 19, 2007 (gmt 0)

>> I think theres a bit more to this than first meets the eye.

we could guess or go with the facts--as we know them. If he did something to the workers then it might be different, but we don't know that.
Being "shocked" is nto going to do it..if you barge into my room you might be shocked but then, it is my room.


 8:50 pm on Nov 20, 2007 (gmt 0)

Well..that's a new one!

And the crotch falling asleep? That's a new one too...and potentially embarassing! *Wake up damn crotch..c'mon!*

Oh...and maybe this guy shouldn't have gotten off-on his bike..but rather, on.

And next time, double bolt locks are your best friend!


 1:35 pm on Nov 21, 2007 (gmt 0)

Sex with a bicycle? Nah... sex with a fence [telegraph.co.uk] now you're talking!

What's happening in the UK?


 3:31 pm on Nov 21, 2007 (gmt 0)

What's happening in the UK?

Sweet FA literally, we harpoon anything by the looks of it


 6:33 pm on Nov 21, 2007 (gmt 0)

Maybe the whole thing is about nothing!? It could be that the newspaper misspelled the word bike and meant to spell it with a " d "!

Come to think about it that would of been even stranger!...KF

This 33 message thread spans 2 pages: 33 ( [1] 2 > >
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