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Descriptive Insults.
A bit of fun ... what are your favourites?
BeeDeeDubbleU




msg:3088753
 3:06 pm on Sep 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

I am off on holiday tomorrow so I feel like some light relief. Let's have some fun.

In Scotland and other areas of the UK we have a tradition of coming up with really great descriptive insults about those who are somewhat challenged in the beauty stakes. I just wonder if this is the same elsewhere? Here are some examples.

He has a face like a blind cobbler's thumb.

He's got teeth like a set of burglar's tools!

She's got a face like bulldog licking p*ss of a nettle.

She's got skin like a welder's jacket.

A face like someone had set it on fire and put the flames out with a shovel.

A face like a camel eating a lemon.

The last time I saw an ass like that Sabu was hitting it with a stick!

Ugly? If pigs could fly she would be a squadron leader.

Further contributions welcomed :)

 

vik_c




msg:3089071
 7:28 pm on Sep 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception.

rocker




msg:3089086
 7:37 pm on Sep 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

He has the perfect face for radio.

TedM




msg:3089107
 7:52 pm on Sep 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

One of my all time favorites...

He's got a face like a goalie for a dart game.

akmac




msg:3089166
 8:40 pm on Sep 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

Looks like the North end of a South bound mule.

lawman




msg:3089289
 9:54 pm on Sep 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

Last time I saw a face like yours it was on a clock and a cuckoo came out.

ann




msg:3089522
 2:05 am on Sep 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

A face only a Mother could love----maybe.

lawman




msg:3089536
 2:17 am on Sep 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

I've seen prettier faces on an iodine bottle.

sonny




msg:3089597
 3:42 am on Sep 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

when she walks, it looks like 2 bear cubs wrestling

Khensu




msg:3089611
 4:02 am on Sep 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

With a face like that, everyday is Halloween!

roscoepico




msg:3090071
 1:43 pm on Sep 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

He's about as sexy as a pissing toad. -- Truman Capote on Mick Jagger.

also, If I wanted a b1tch.....I would have bought a DOG!

TravelSite




msg:3090162
 2:51 pm on Sep 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

Not really a descriptive insult as such... but you could always pretend to look shocked and ask "What happened to your face?" :)

kevinpate




msg:3090163
 2:51 pm on Sep 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

His sister is finer than frog hair, but he's so ugly their mamma hung a porkchop necklace on his neck, just so the dogs would play with him.

JudgeJeffries




msg:3090375
 4:38 pm on Sep 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

Face like a bag of spanners.
Pug ugly

wolfadeus




msg:3090421
 5:17 pm on Sep 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

Austrian: You look like puked apple-stew (meaning: you are really pale today). Doesn't really have to be an insult, though it's not a particularly nice thing to say either.

httpwebwitch




msg:3090982
 12:19 am on Sep 21, 2006 (gmt 0)

one of my favourites that I read in a book somewhere

"he's a spherical a**#$@!".

Why spherical?
Because no matter which way he turns, which way you look at him, he's an a**#$@! from every angle.

an insult easily adapted for describing a fuglyfuthermucker

vibgyor79




msg:3092688
 9:40 am on Sep 22, 2006 (gmt 0)

To a really short guy - "You know what? When it rains, you will be the last one to know!"

rj87uk




msg:3092715
 10:16 am on Sep 22, 2006 (gmt 0)

You've git a face like a melted welly! haha

You've git a face like a bulldog chew'in a wasp.

You've git a face like the back end of a double decor bus.

Being glaswegian you have to know some of this stuff :)

supermanjnk




msg:3092913
 1:38 pm on Sep 22, 2006 (gmt 0)

You got hit with the ugly stick
A face that would break a mirror.

"Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elder berries"

oldpro




msg:3094043
 12:51 pm on Sep 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

she looks like a mule eating briars

mack




msg:3094050
 12:57 pm on Sep 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

Fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!

Looks like a pitbull chewing a wasp.

added [RJ you can tell we come from the same neck of the woods lol]

Mack.

rj87uk




msg:3094068
 1:31 pm on Sep 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

lol yeah Mack!

She walks like her ar$e is chewin a brick!

Khensu




msg:3094235
 5:52 pm on Sep 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

Yur (lower posterior) and your face are a perfect match.

- My Mum's, she's from Glasgow, what a cut-up! The Halloween one is hers too, what a bad influence. Can't count the times I got kicked out of Catlick grammer school.

lawman




msg:3094345
 7:41 pm on Sep 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

>>she looks like a mule eating briars

I thought the expression is he/she's grinnin' like a mule eatin' briars.

ann




msg:3094666
 5:55 am on Sep 24, 2006 (gmt 0)

a good comeback:

I may have been hit with the ugly stick but the whole darn tree fell on you.

Ann

percentages




msg:3094671
 6:06 am on Sep 24, 2006 (gmt 0)

I maybe drunk.....but, you are ugly.

In the morning, I will be sober!.......Churchill.

nippon




msg:3095103
 6:55 pm on Sep 24, 2006 (gmt 0)

face like a slapped arse

giggle




msg:3095496
 3:31 am on Sep 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

"he's as tight as a camel's arse in a sand-storm"

(tight = frugal = spendthrift = mean with money)

BeeDeeDubbleU




msg:3109654
 3:44 pm on Oct 5, 2006 (gmt 0)

Just got back from my hols and some of these cheered me up :o)

cazgh




msg:3109661
 3:52 pm on Oct 5, 2006 (gmt 0)

forget your makeup today love?

I'd need to be drunk to go to bed with that!
(said to couple, one of whom is very drunk)

This 40 message thread spans 2 pages: 40 ( [1] 2 > >
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